Unto Everything there is a Season
Ecclesiastes 3:1-3 (KJV)
1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
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I have been a Christian since I was a little girl. I repented of my sins, I asked Christ to come into my heart, and I was baptized. The Holy Spirit lives in me and I have always felt his presence in my life.
My relationship with Jesus at times, has been like a rollercoaster (me fighting the flesh as all Christians do). I’ve had great times of growth and then times of struggle. God being loving and very patient taught me life lessons along the way. He never gave up on me.
On March 14, 2015, I lost my son Cory James to a drug overdose. My world as I knew it changed forever. Losing a child is the most painful thing a parent can go through. It’s unthinkable. So many emotions and then numbness. We shouldn’t bury our children, they should bury us.
The first thoughts that went through my mind when my head cleared was; Did he go to heaven? He accepted Christ when he was little at a Bibleman conference. He asked Jesus to come into his heart and he was baptized. However, Cory had fallen away from church and Jesus. He came to me after High School and told me he was gay, he got involved in drugs and his lifestyle was far from what the Lord wanted it to be. I know I loved my son unconditionally regardless of anything he told me, or what he had done and I know God loves him more than I possibly could. I can only pray God had mercy on Cory.
I do know this, God brought me to my knees that day. I had been so blinded by my sons problems, trying to get him his back surgery, his drug issues and other stumbling blocks in my life I lost focus on my relationship with my Lord and Savior.
Romans 7:15-20 (KJV)
15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
16 If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.
17 Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
20 Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
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I’d allow things (thorns of the flesh) to distract me from my relationship. Christians aren’t perfect, they constantly fight our fleshly (sinful) nature. Thank God for his grace and mercy. At the time my son passed away I had grown to be lukewarm. I knew I needed to make things right.
John 14:13-14 (KJV)
13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.
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Since that very painful day, I have had so many people praying for me (thank you Jesus) and I, myself have refocused my time in prayer. I prayed for healing, peace, forgiveness for falling away from God, forgiveness for those who were involved in his overdose. I prayed for answers all in Jesus name. I received all those things and continue to get answers. Praise God!!
Instead of getting angry, holding on to the grief, continuing in my lukewarm ways I grew closer to God in my darkest hours. The grief I felt, the dark clouds that seemed to hang over me subsided and the sun began to shine again. I knew the only one who could comfort me, who could heal my heart and answer my questions was my Lord and Savior. Prayer changes everything. I can not express enough how prayer and fasting can make a difference in your life.